She had a cocktail in her hand and confetti in her hair

An Invitation To Make A Fool Of Myself..


After receiving ‘that’ text message from Jack (see below) the ball was totally in his court. I couldn’t do anything but sit back and wait, and to see whether this tarot card reader was slightly psychic or just pulling my leg.

I replied and laid my cards on the table. I told Jack how I felt, but I understood that he needed space and to clear his head (I think I’m actually growing up!)- but obviously I didn’t get a reply.

Then, a week later (this was back in April) Jack sent me a crypt message inviting me to a fundraising Easter egg hunt in the park. Hmmmm. My heart jumped out of my chest, and my brain was going into over drive, thinking that clearly he must have reconsidered, got over his ex, realised he made a massive mistake. Or that he could just want to be my friend…

Casually, I replied a week later asking for more details and said I would attend. This could go very wrong. But I thought that this was my only chance to see him again, and to make a great lasting impression.

So I rocked up at the park donning new shoes, an outfit that I had ‘just thrown together’, thinking this was a relaxing scavenger hunt in search of chocolate, with a possible brisk walk every now and again. I couldn’t have been more wrong.

I turned up and everyone was sporting proper running gear, sweat bands, the lot. Was it too late to turn around/start running back?

It turns out that that the ‘Fundraising Easter egg hunt in the park’ was actually a 10k run/hike/climb across hilly muddy terrain. Brilliant (I do usually go to the gym, but I wasn’t prepared for this!).

But Jack looked really happy to see me, and put me on his team. So we spent the next 2 hours running around in search of hidden clues and leaves- yes actual leaves, for bonus points. Very bizarre. I embraced the ‘event’ and we all had a really good time. After falling down ditches, scaling walls and climbing trees, we all went to the pub afterwards for some well deserved beers. Jack walked me back to the station, and apologised for how things ended, and said that he’s head was all over shop and he still needed time. I am not a fool, and I know what that really means.

When I got home, he sent me a message saying that he was really pleased that I came, and he also asked what the tarot card reader said about him (he knew that I was going to see her), slightly bigheaded! I told him, if he wanted to know he’d have to meet me for a drink. He never replied, so I guess he doesn’t want to know that badly! I guess he’ll never know, and maybe this mysterious, rich, spiritual, guy is someone else that I know…

Minor Hiccup In My Tarot Card Reading

Helen certainly didn’t tell me this was about to happen:

'the text'

BUT she did say I would have to be patient, and that I would have a choice to make, and I guess this is it.

And it was all going so well. Usually I would feel like this is the end of the road, but this time round it feels different, I still feel weirdly positive.

I think the message is honest, thoughtful and leaves me with a glimmer of hope (although I’m not going to wait another ten years!).

And it is true- Jack split up with his girlfriend only 6 weeks ago, and then meet me 3 weeks later. No one likes the whole rebound phase, and I totally understand that he needs time to figure things out, and you know what they say ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’.

(All of) My girlfriends have offered their advice and believe that he genuinely likes me but needs some time, but if anyone else has an opinion, pray tell…

Fortune Favours The Brave- Or Lost Souls In Need Of Help.

Tarot times

My Uni girls (Bella and Beth) and I, all decided that instead of doing the usual ‘catch up’ which often ends with us drinking copious amounts of alcohol, forgetting everything and not actually catching up at all, that we would do something different; have our fortunes told.

I am a massive sucker for all this hocus pocus and not to mention a lost cause who could do with a bit of guidance. The other girls are both successful power driven career women who are doing pretty well for themselves, but could do with a nudge every now and then.

We met at Kings Cross all giddy and slightly apprehensive and jumped on a train to Letchworth Garden City- miles away. One by one we went into the room with Helen- our Tarot card reader (for some reason I was expecting Crystal or Angel as a name), to find out what destiny had in store for us.

I was the last one to go in, and after waiting for 4 hours, I thought the magic might have disappeared but low and behold Mystic Helen knew her stuff.

Everyone’s reading was different- which made the experience more believable. Bella’s was all about her job, and that she would have the opportunity to work abroad and come into big bucks. Quite standard stuff, but it’s exactly what’s going on (she also said that she would meet a rich man on a boat..). Beth’s was pretty similar, although Helen mentioned that her boyfriend might be cheating on her.

I think anyone could pick up on me being a desperate loser longing for love, but bearing in mind Helen knew NOTHING AT ALL this is how my cards (all 78 of them) unfolded:

  • The two cards drawn first were the King of Pentacles (‘an excellent omen with regard to love. Someone will come along and absolutely sweep you right off your feet’) and The Ten of Cups (‘they lived happily ever after’) (Tell me more)
  • This man has been in my life before but  has recently come back into it (Tick)
  • You met under the sun, and it’s fate (Massive tick)
  • You will have to make a choice soon, be patient but towards the end of the month there will be celebrations (Hope so)
  • He’s recently changed in himself and has possibly taken on a more spiritual outlook (Tick)
  • He’s had his fair shares of problems and is ready to move on. As have you, even though you have been hurt in the past, this time it will be magical and he is the one (Again, hope so)
  • He works in property, and has a frustrating problem at the moment with a work deal. He is about to move. He’s an honest, traditional man and wants the same things that you do (Tick, Tick, Tick and Tick)
  • Your biggest wish is about to come true, and you’ll receive this information soon (See above)
  • You’re confused and don’t want to let your guard down due to the past, but that’s over now. Things are on the up. You have the power to succeed (Alriiiight).

Wowzers, so not a lot to take in there. After last week’s turn of events, I wonder who this could be…

I don’t think I’ll tell  the man in question, as he might freak out, so I guess like Helen said, I just need to be patient.

An Unusual Friday Night


I probably should have combined these two posts- as the one below (Thursday Night Date Night Take Two) is pretty dull, but I need to give Friday night’s activities the full attention that it deserves!

This is definitely not how I usually spend my Friday nights.

My ‘planning to play it cool plan’ went down the pan the moment my friend cancelled on me. How could I possibly turn down the offer of seeing Jack, just to make it look as though I was busy (insert- spend Friday night in the gym, eat crisps whilst watching 8 Out of 10 Cats) just to adhere to the 3 day date arranging rule- dictated by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider authors of The Rules).

Jack invited me round to his house for supper and drinks, so with that invitation off I went….

He met me at the station, bounded over to me like an excited puppy and greeted me with a huge hug and kiss. Good start, and we walked to his house.

Jack is one of the good ones, he’s a really nice guy, who has great morals and has been brought up very well. And his house in the ‘burbs certainly reflected this. He’s currently living with his sister and a random girl from Room Share.

I didn’t want to turn up empty handed, so I picked up a bottle of Rose and  the most amazing looking sticky toffee pudding (not sure why). Jack cracked open the rum and whacked on the sound track to Les Mis! Bit different to the rave music I was previously listening to, courteously of Annie Mac.

We chilled in the kitchen for hours, chatting (and singing) and then his housemate came back- not to my annoyance, she was pretty sweet. Jack offered me  a ‘tour of the house’ that old classic, and I ended up in his bedroom. What a surprise. We kissed, and then I said I should head home, which I think he was quite surprised about. He asked me stay, and I agreed on one condition, that no funny business would happen. He gave me some pj’s to slip on- hilarious, and we both jumped into bed. Things did get a bit heated, but I managed to restrain myself. Which was very difficult, as he is so freaking hot.

But then, we suddenly did something that I’ve never done before. No, not that. We meditated.

Yes actual meditation.

It certainly was a new one for the books, and I felt so comfortable next to him. He was teaching me the tricks of relaxation and reflection, so we just laid there concentrating on our breathing and surroundings. I really felt safe in his arms (vom!) but I haven’t felt like that for a long time.

We both passed out, and in the morning everything was great. As I’ve said before, my Dad always told me to leave before breakfast, and with that in mind I started to get ready to leave. But Jack insisted that he cooked me breakfast. He whipped up poached eggs on toast accompanied with herbal tea. I didn’t stay for too long, so we kissed goodbye and mentioned meeting up again.

He was spending the day at a 6 hour Mindfulness mediation course, which sounded pretty intense- at least I know he’d have one thing on his mind!

So off I went. He text me the next day, saying that it was a pleasure to have me over, and asked me how my week was looking. Which suggested to me that things were still okay. I was really annoyed with myself that I stayed over, as I looked rough in the morning- and hoped I hadn’t put him off. But it looks like things are on track.

Thursday Night Date Night Take Two

Champagne kisses

I’m pleased to see that Jack doesn’t play by the rules, and his view on ‘courting’ is traditional and NORMAL-Finally.

He text me early in the week to confirm a date to meet. Seems like Thursday night is a clear winner. Close enough to the weekend to justify having a few drinks and nursing a mild hangover on a Friday, in the office.

We met at The John Snow pub in Soho (Déjà vu) at 7.30pm. Jack rocked up on his bike and was pretty sweaty once he arrived but I’ll let him off. We had a few drinks, and caught up on the last week. He’d booked a restaurant just around the corner, so we headed down a dodgy side street arm in arm. The table was reserved for 8.30pm at Prix Fixe- a French brassiere, but luckily, even though we were 45 minutes late (due to not wanting to leave the previous bar), they still let us in.

Jack is such a gentlemen. We ordered champagne and again, most things off the menu. I’ve decided this is my new favourite thing to do.

He suggested meeting up on Friday- which, considering was TOMORROW, and if I was playing by the rules I should have said no, but I tried to remain mysterious and said I would get back to him. This new approach is hard to keep up, but I’m hoping it will pay off.

With our stomachs suitably stuffed we walked back to the station, he kissed me good night, and off he rode into the night.


Thursday Night Date Night Is ON!


My date with Jack is a close contender for one of my favourite first dates.

Everything about it was glorious.

A lot can change in ten years, and I definitely wasn’t the only one. Jack seemed like a different person (for the better). He was really  thoughtful, kind, funny, polite, interesting but still super hot.

He suggested we meet at ‘The French House’, a cute relaxed arty pub in Soho, which is often frequented by actors and musicians-apparently (although I didn’t see any. The best celeb spot I’ve had since being in London is Ben Adams from A1…).

We had a couple of drinks and chatted away, then decided to go for dinner (dinner on a first date is usually a no no) but this time round I was very happy about it. As I was so nervous, even the small (on my best behaviour) glass(es) of wine started to make me feel a little wobbly. We headed into Cay Tre, a Vietnamese restaurant up the road.  Jack took the lead (which I actually quite liked) we ordered a couple of cocktails and pretty much everything off the menu. The fact that we met ten years ago, made it more exciting. We both wanted to know everything about each other, but it also felt like we were old friends (who, hopefully were both ridiculously attracted to). After chatting for ages, Jack paid for dinner. I’m not usually a fan of this, but he insisted. Meh. And we headed to the tube.

Even though it was only 10:30, I was trying to be sensible, and not blow this one (the date) so we went home separately. He made all the first moves, holding my hand, and then kissed me goodnight. I’m pleased to see he’s also a  keen PDAer.

He text me once he was home, and asked if I’d like to see him again. Ummmm HELL YEAH. Oh I mean, yeah maybe, we’ll see.

I hate playing  games and Jack is far too chilled out for all of that, but I need to be slightly cool with this one, as I don’t want to be 36 the next time we get together!

Blast From The Past

I’m not sure why this is happening, but everywhere I go I bump into someone I know. Last week I saw this guy I met travelling in Oz- who I haven’t seen for 3 years at a random tube station. My friend Jonny (from home) whizzed past me on a bus in Oxford street, I saw a group of girls I knew (and didn’t like) from University in Portobello market, and most importantly- I saw Jack- who I haven’t seen for 10 YEARS!!

It was Saturday night, and I was meeting Bella for a quick drink in Shoreditch. I was early and instead of hanging out in the street, I headed into an old, dark, dingy pub as I thought no-one would see me and I could get away with ordering a large glass of rose and hide in the corner whilst everyone was out with their friends…

However, the moment I walked in, I bumped into Jack.

I know I say this about every guy I meet, but Jack really is one of the sexiest guys I have ever met. He was ridiculously attractive ten years ago, and I’m pleased to say that he’s still got it.

I met him in the summer of 03’ (Not quite as catchy as the Summer of 69’) but I was young, carefree and loving life (I don’t think that’s changed much). He was strolling up the beach, with his wetsuit half undone and his surfboard under his arm. Delish. His friends started talking to my friends and we all went out for the evening and that was that. None of us swapped any details and my sexy surfer slipped away.

Jack looked pretty surprised but we both recognised each other instantly. Instead of the skinhead he used to have, he was showcasing a beautiful barnet of brown curls, and on the flip side my long locks had become a short bob! He was very complimentary and wanted to know where the hell I’d been for the last decade.

His friend was playing in the band upstairs and he invited me to join them. Rocking out to American punk bands isn’t usually my scene, but I have to admit the air guitar did make an appearance, along with shots of tequila…

It was so weird, as although we had only seen each other once before, it felt really exciting and I was glad Bella was running late. But before I outstayed my welcome, Bella called and was 5 minutes away (after being an hour late!) so it was time to go. Jack asked for my number and suggested meeting up on Thursday. Obvs. The other thing I’ve realised I do, is get my hopes up, which I won’t do this time. But for the moment it’s looking quite promising.

Maybe this is a sign that I should  stop wasting my time online dating, as you never know what delights and REAL men are just around the corner.

How To Make A Guy Run For The Hills

Girls are like apples...

Nothing. Nill, Diddly Squat, Zilch.

I’m referring to the last week and the communication (lack of) that I have had with Ollie. Sweet FA!

I should have learnt by now to keep my mouth shut, but I hate the feeling of uncertainty. Surely it should just be easy. Guy likes Girl, Girl likes Guy, they go on dates, have fun and see what happens. HOW is that complicated?

Since I spoke to Ollie last week over dinner, I have heard from him once. He told me to call him, I did, and he never answered- or called me back. This was a week ago. I’m not going to ramble on and bore myself, or anyone(?) reading this, as it is plain and simple. He doesn’t want to see me anymore.

Maybe I shouldn’t have asked, but it’s better than not knowing. I can handle rejection, knockbacks, the truth, whatever it is, but it’s got to beat sliding off the face of the Earth, and falling into a hole with all the other pathetic, wimpy men that are too scared to talk about those things called ‘feelings’.

So here we go again, but as they say ‘there’s plenty more fish in the sea’.

(We all know Pete Wentz for his famous philosophy…)

Slow And Steady Wins The Race

Turns out I was panicking over nothing! Ollie called me literally hours after I posted the previous post, I was slightly concerned that he had found my blog but I don’t think his stalking skills are up to scratch, so it must have been a weird coincidence. Although I did let it slip that I was a ‘writer!’. Clearly I was trying to give off the impression that I was cool and creative!

Anyway, he called and suggested we go for sushi on Wednesday (last night).

Back in the game.

We’ve already been on heaps of dates, but for some reason I was a nervous wreck.
As we were meeting straight after work (which meant there was no time for a pep talk and a stiff drink with my girlfriend), I took it upon myself to raid the social committee’s* secret alcohol stash for a bit of Dutch courage. Not the best plan, as in my  fluster I  jumped on the wrong tube, proceeded to loose all sense of direction and ended up slightly lost in Soho!

Never fear, as Ollie came to my rescue and we headed into a cool cocktail bar for happy hour. We took full advantage of the 241 offer, then went off in search of food.
Ollie was a Yo Sushi virgin, and I am obsessed, so I lead the way. We got slightly carried away and ordered tonnes of food, but it was great and felt like an actual date. Compared to previous times when we’ve meet up in Shoreditch and drank till 4am. Maybe that’s where I’ve been going wrong.

The sushi wasn’t soaking up as much as it should, as I decided to tell Ollie that prior to us meeting I was planning on pulling the plug. The thing is, he is beautiful (not sure my friends agree) but there needs to be more than a pretty face, average chat and the occasional text.

I basically told him to step up his game if he wants to carry on seeing me (not sure who I think I am!) or to not string me along, as I don’t want another Desperate Charlie #2.

He was shocked and said that he really liked me, but just had a lot on his mind (he’s moved house, looking for a new job, and his Dad is recovering from a recent heart attack!) maybe I should let him off then!

We chatted and joked all night, and everything seemed better than before. We both went home (separately) but it looks like things are moving in the right direction.

And as annoying as it is, the moral of the story really is to Play It Cool. Boys don’t like pressure, but I think they need a gentle nudge every now and then.

*I am on the Social Committee, so I think fairs fair.

(Image from http://pegasus-inn.blogspot.co.uk/2012/05/hungry-for-love.html)

Whose Idea Was It To Play It Cool?

You and Tequilla Make Me Crazy

Playing to cool is definitely not one of my strong points. I find it pretty much impossible to not over analyse ever single text, every last last word muttered, what ‘Xx’ means, what ‘See you soon’ means and then not hear from them….etc. I know, it’s pathetic. But I know it’s not just us women that struggle with this, men do too (at least hope and according to Duncan-my BFF).

And that’s the thing ‘women’ (I’m not a little girl anymore). I’ve been an unwilling participant in this dating game long enough to know how to play these things but I still end up going stir crazy. The thing is, when the heck are you meant to have the ‘us’ chat.

Back in the summer, when I was dating Desperate Charlie (past tense- clearly) everything seemed to be going perfectly, then he dropped the F-bomb. ‘Lets be friends’. Apparently I was meant to know that we were just friends, having a laugh and fooling around (I didn’t get that memo). So when are you meant to say it, after the first date, 1 month, 6 months, after they meet your friends, parents, when they join you for xmas dinner, when?! I’m pretty sure that no matter how long it’s been, no matter how much you click and have the most passionate mind blowing sex, the guy will still freak out- well at least that’s what’s happened to me…

I usually end up jinxing myself, but for one short moment and 8 joyful dates, I thought I had found a good one (and I’m still hoping). I meet this guy called Ollie on POF a few months ago and it really was going amazingly. He was super keen, initiated the dates, and generally just wanted to see me and never wanted to leave, which I am not complaining about, it’s been blissful.

The problem I have, is that I’m starting to really like him and I’m definitely not in need of any more ‘friends’. He brought me a Christmas present, he joined my flatmates and I for our Xmas lunch, and I’ve even met his parents! But ever since I went home for Christmas he’s slowly been slipping off the radar- which is turning me into a psychotic headcase.

Which is not the vibe I want to give off.

Luckily he doesn’t know this as I’m trying to ‘play it cool’. Furthermore, I hold my hands up to this, as I have also been having a cheeky look on POF- just incase I need a back up plan, AND I’ve seen his little face pop up a few times! WHAT DOES THIS MEAN!!

If anyone can shed some light, give me some advice, tell me to calm down, it would be most appreciated.

And breathe…so I’m just going to take a seat back and see what happens. Surely he will get in touch, right?